Had a day Thursday where just getting through would have been success.
The past two weeks we moved Dad, an hour plus north, getting him settled and clearing his old apartment. In the middle my car went in for a one-day repair that ended up being three days. Three days without a car in the country with what I have going on is no joke.
So lost three days of the week; Thursday with the car back had to get up to Saratoga early, then back down for the next thing by 5, with a few minutes in between to let the dogs out. Storms and construction and all, made it. Finally got home by 10 to feed the dogs, last out, bed.
2 am Clarence was roaming and restless. Thought maybe he heard coyote or deer or something. Exhausted as I was my primary goal was staying asleep, at least til about 4, when I realized something really was wrong. Sure nuff got up to see his face was swollen like twice its size. Benadryl and eventually another scant hour of sleep. Call to vet. Decided he was ok to be home while I dashed over to the Berkshires for some of the appointments rescheduled from the days with no car.
And that’s where the buoys popped up. Driving like a semi-maniac behind folk on vacation with bikes on the roof driving 10 miles under the speed limit– no, no buoys there, they were just a lesson in patience (failed) and a reminder of my type-A driver days from Jersey.
It was in the people encountered in a series of unexpected moments that I had a sense of veritable buoys keeping my head above water amidst wave after crashing wave. People giving me space to be stressed, it’s ok, people going just a moment out of their way to show kindness and to connect, how is it going. No long explanation needed, just eye contact and maybe a hand or an arm around a shoulder. The same. Too much. But holding on.
I didn’t expect them, nose down and pushing forward as I was, but they were there, to save me from drowning when I did not even realize how close I was to going under. Their kindness and understanding, just the fact that they took a moment to show they gave a shit, felt as life saving as if they’d thrown me a buoy in the waves, as if their attitude was a fixed buoy that appeared out of nowhere to grab onto when all else seemed close to lost.
Clarence was having a major allergic reaction, source unknown, and got worse before he got better, but he is ok now. We had one good night sleep, we’ll see for tonight.
The car is on the road. Dad is doing well. One day at a fucking time.
Sometimes when we are going under comes the moment of our greatest buoyancy, the grace of an outstretched hand.