In the past few months two women I know used the word tribe to describe close community, or more narrowly that part of the community that one counts on and turns to, whether for fun or crisis management. A select group. There for the cheery cocktails and kicking back as well as to scrape you off the floor and spoon feed you. The people that, when all seems lost, one can just sit with and simply be. No judgment, just a hand.
These two women are quite different I’d say– a Northeasterner who just relocated to the Southwest (picked a damn good year to do it!!!), and my cousin, half Nicaraguan, raised there and in Miami and now living in Dallas. Both tribe mentions came up in somewhat different contexts, and though I didn’t remember hearing the word used that way much if at all in the past, I understood it right away. And how it is not easy, especially as we get older, to find and build one.
A tribe of one’s own. The sense of a common unbroachable bond. It might take some, or a lot of, seeking to find these folk but it should not be a struggle to maintain them. Though never to be taken for granted– like any relationship, you only get back what you put in– they should never be a source of pain or button pushing.
It’s not to say they shouldn’t tell you what they think. But they know to choose the moment, and to phrase it so even if it stings, it doesn’t cut to the quick. And they are there with the salve rather than the salt shaker.
Unless they affect any of the above, politics, religion, gender, skin color, sexual orientation, education, economic status– none should affect the belonging to a tribe. There can be family members or not; it seems they are in the minority if at all.
There is a site called tribe.net whose motto is “Find your community on tribe.” Maybe the word’s been used this way for 15 years and I’m just noticing.
From Wikipedia:
A tribe is viewed, historically or developmentally, as a social group existing before the development of, or outside of, states.
Of course it gets pretty anthropological from there. But what interests me: outside of states. I think there is something about the use of the word tribe that connotes “we can and will take care of our own,” in a good way, not in a fanatic cult way. Not sure if this points to the failure of the state, or loss of faith in government etc. It jumped out at me though.
I think, we all are craving connection on much deeper levels than in the past. Or maybe as a species we just became so superficial and consumerist for such a long stretch that now we are correcting back.
So on we roam, nomads in search of serene pastures and a few good folk. Looking for, our people.